SWITZERLAND. Famous for Swiss things like watches, army knives, Toblerone … and for never fighting a war.
It is also home to the Geneva Motor Show, one of the highlights of the motoring calendar.
This year there were 900 new cars to drool at, with most coming soon to a showroom near you.
Let’s start with the Brit pack.
Honda Civic Type R
THREE tailpipes, outrageous rear wing, 169mph . . . make room on your teenager’s bedroom wall for the new Honda Civic Type R.
The hottest thing to come out of Swindon since Melinda Messenger and, er, the last Type R. Out July, priced £30,000.
This beast is front-wheel drive, remember, with power hiked to an incredible 320hp. Trick aero, including a flat floor, help glue it to the road.
And get this. We’ll be shipping them to Japan – and the United States of Trumpland.
McLaren 720S
ER, hello? Is that McLaren? Yes it is.
I hear you have a new car coming out? Yes we do.
Excellent. I’ll buy it.
(And repeat 400 times.)
McLaren took 400 orders worth £84million for the new 720S before taking the wrappers off in Geneva. But they chose well.
The 720S, which replaces the 650S, is made of wonder and magic. Just look at them there numbers: 0-62mph in 2.9 secs; 0-124mph in 7.8; and 212mph top speed. Jaisus.
And for real enthusiasts: 720 stands for 720hp from the new 4-litre twin-turbo V8. Price: £208,600. Sorry, I’ve no room to talk about that folding driver display. But it’s L,U,S and H.
Nissan Qashqai
I’M pleased to report the surgery went well. Britain’s favourite crossover, the Nissan Qashqai, has had a midlife facelift.
New nose, new bendy lights and a posh new Tekna+ trim with quilted leather. It also gets self-driving tech and Bose sound. Out July, from £19,000 to £27,000.
The Qashqai is, hands down, Britain’s most important car. Our No1 export, supporting 35,000 UK jobs.
A staggering 300,000 Qashqais rolled out of the factory gates in Sunderland last year – one every 62 seconds. It’s a Qash machine.
Car of the Year 2017
HERE’S a snippet from my Peugeot 3008 review back in October: “The 3008 is crammed with goodness. Cover the Lion badge on the steering wheel and you’d think it was an Audi.”
Well, it’s good to know our European cousins agree, as the 3008 has just been crowned European Car of the Year. Yours for £21,795.
The other finalists were Alfa Romeo Giulia, Merc E-Class, Volvo S90, Citroen C3, Toyota C-HR and Nissan Micra.
Revolutionary Airbus Pop.Up
YEP, this is a flying car. It’s like one of those slot machines with the big hand grabber thingy.
Except this Airbus Pop.Up pod has a big drone grabber thingy.
Book it like an Uber taxi and choose between self-piloting “air or ground module”, whichever is quickest.
How long before we see them in cities? Long before you win a cuddly toy for your son.
He’ll have a beard by then.
GATHER round, comrades, I have news. The Sun has teamed up with Auto Trader to offer Britain’s best online search engine for CARS, VANS and BIKES.
New and used. Plus you can now get your motor valued for FREE. Go to thesun.co.uk/motors to buy, browse or dream.
Fiat celebrates 60 years of the 500
THIS is the Fiat 560 – celebrating 60 years of the 500 – with vintage badging and a special “Dolcevita” two-tone paint job.
Out July 4, priced £19,240. Why July 4? That’s the very day the first 500 was born in Turin in 1957.
Aston Martin Valkyrie
WHY don’t you come on over … Valkyrie.
The Aston Martin Red Bull hypercar – previously known as AM-RB 001 – has been christened Valkyrie, meaning “chooser of the slain” in Norse mythology.
All 175 cars are sold, at £3million a pop. Aston also revealed the Vantage AMR and Rapide AMR in Geneva, blurring the line between race and road cars.
A 200mph hypercar
WILLIAMS has more fingers in more pies than the chief taster at Pukka Pies.
F1, Formula E, Jaguar, and now this … the 200mph+ “Dendrobium” hypercar concept from Vanda Electrics.
Williams provided aero and battery tech. Go on, build it. I dares you.
Next generation
THIS four-door AMG GT will hit the road next year with a hairy-chested 600hp V8, 4WD, drift mode and wipe-clean rear seats.
This is Merc’s Porsche Panamera. Don’t expect any change from £100,000. Hybrid to follow.
I also hear the new AMG-flavoured GLC SUV will have a smokey burnout button. Like it doesn’t need it.
BLIMEY. What’s this? This is Toyota’s leaning car. It’s a 1+2 seater – driver front middle and a two-seat rear bench – and it can lap a round- about at full speed, which is 60mph.
The electric i-TRIL concept has no pedals, just PlayStation controls or a self-driving mode.
Nah, mate. I’ll drive. I’m Mr V. Rossi with kids. See you in 2030.
“HAPPY birthday to me, happy birthday to me.” Bentley is daring to build this two-seat electric sports car to mark its centenary year in 2019.
Boss Wolfgang Durheimer said: “It’s young, exciting and will appeal to a new kind of customer.”
Lightning-fast, zero emission and more sparkly than Strictly’s glitterball.
DO you hear that? That’s the competition going home. The Volvo XC60 is the mid-size SUV for Middle Englanders with a Phil Collins playlist.
It is a beautiful gem of a car. A mini-me XC90, really, just 15 grand cheaper at £33,000.
Out July. And, being a Volvo, you would trust it to care for your elderly gran.
HELL hath no fury . . . like a TURBINE-powered hypercar. Make that three turbines, feeding six electric motors.
This is no show pony. This is real.
And it’s faster than all your favourites – Veyron, LaFerrari et al. The 1,286hp “Ren” has three seats and a fighter jet-style canopy. Chinese firm Techrules will make 96, at £2.2million a pop.
I HAVE a theory. All Suzuki drivers are old – and good at maths.
Style? Not bothered. They just calculate how much everything costs, then draw a red ring around the word Suzuki.
Celerio, Baleno, Ignis – or this fresh new Swift – you are pretty much guaranteed 60mpg, good kit and reliability. Out June from £11,000.
Living in a bubble
DECISION made. I’ve found my next car
The man who invented the Micro scooter is making an electric bubble car called Microlino.
It’ll do 56mph and 75 miles on a charge. Price: £11k. Out: 2018.
Pricey Audi alloys
The new Audi RS 5 Quattro has fancy one-piece machined alloys at £2k a cornerGO steady in your new 450hp Audi RS 5 Quattro.
It has fancy one-piece machined alloys – at two grand a corner.
VAUXHALL unwrapped the new lightly improved Insignia. Prices from £17,115 which is £1,500 cheaper than the current car.
Car Scrabble
IS it just me, or do you think car bosses are playing a secret game of Scrabble?
We have the Subaru XV (scores 12 points), SsangYong XAVL (14 points) and Mitsubishi ECLIPSE CROSS (18 points).
That comes out early 2018, from £22,000. But it still doesn’t beat Qashqai (28 points).
Pimp your Pirellis
PIMP your Pirellis with an F1-style coloured ring on the sidewall.
Except these are just for show. There are 3,000 options and you can even add words or logos. Like FLASH GIT, maybe? Available from June.
ALPINE (ask your grandad) is back with a new A110 (ask your grandad). Think Porsche Cayman rival. Light, 252hp, RWD, 0-62mph in 4.5 secs and very cool.